Topics:
Pregnancy Diary
The First Three Months
My Pregnancy Diary
Date of Conception: December 8, 2004
Delivery Due Date: September 2, My Birthday, Labor Day Weekend 2005
Day we found out: December 27, 2004 (we were afraid to do it over Xmas)
What I said after the HPT turned up with 2 lines: Oh S#@*!
Size of Baby 4th Week: less than half the size of an “o” on this page
Date of first Ultrasound: January 20, 2005 There is only one heart beat (no twins)
It has a brain, central nervous system, and a tail unfortunately—check out the blob in the photo!
Size of Baby at first Ultrasound (8th Week): a pinto bean.
Eye lids are forming, the nose tip, ears and elbows--the tail is almost gone TG!
My miserable symptoms started on January 2 and like a New Years hangover, lasted all of January and February and into March:
Very tired
Chronic indigestion—I’ve never had it before!
Nauseous and queasy all day and night long
Burpeous
Gaseous
Farteous
Dizzy
Boobies hurt
Pee a lot! (your blood volume increases by 50% so your kidneys work overtime)
Two nosebleeds
One headache all day long
Threw up twice only
Stuffy nose
Second Trimester: Boobs on fire—they must be 20 degrees hotter than the rest of me! It must be all the blood running through the big veins, preparing for breastfeeding. Oh, and the hormones have given me backne—time for a back facial!
Thank goodness I do not have symptoms of “pica”—pregnant women who want to eat dirt, gasoline, laundry starch, ice—crazy cravings! And my mouth does not taste like aluminum, another horrible symptom. And it is not overproducing saliva—I guess I could be worse off (but I still feel sorry for myself)
Size of Baby 9th Week: a grape (one inch long)
Who else is preggers?
Maggie Walsh—due April 1 … Baby Mia born April 10
Palmer’s daughter—due April 1…Baby Girl born April 8
Heather Smithart—due May…Baby Cameron Joy born 7 lbs.
Shannon Shehadi—induced June 1…Baby Ryan born 7 lbs.
Cheryl from Sprouts—due May…Baby Boy
Yuni from Blue Angel Café—due May
Arthur Ng’s wife Susan—due June 7…Baby Jetson born June 8
Tina Francis—twin girls due July 30…Samantha Zoe & Trinity Skye born Aug 8 Jennifer Truscott-due July 30…Baby Parker Marie born July 30
Staci Haynes—due August 2…Baby Clementine Rose born July 24
Rachel from Sessions—due October
Chantale Bordanaro—due November 15…Baby Luca
Elisabeth on The View—had Grace Elisabeth on April 6
Britney Spears—false alarm! Wait! She is 4 months prego now in April!
Christina Herzoff—due Winter 2005
Rhonda Marx—due early Dec…Baby David born Dec. 1
Size of Baby 10th Week: a walnut or a small plum
Hands and feet and fingers are growing. It has ears (but they are somewhere down on the neck)
Size of Baby 11th Week: just call him Limey!
The fingernails appear—and genitalia too—but we do not want to know
Names if it’s a Boy (which it will be): Joey G, Billy, Jack, or Bodie
Names if it’s a Girl: Pickles, Carolina, or Tatiana
Cravings I’ve had (once I eat them, I do not want them ever again!!):
KFC
Soup from Safeway
Costco Sushi
Big Mac
Kraft Mac & Cheese (John won’t let me eat this again any way)
Foods I have been eating:
Chicken
Turkey
Tuna
Eggs
Water
Milk
Juice
Wheat Bread
Sandwiches
Date of first 3D Ultrasound: June 5, 2005 Check out the new 3D photos
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The First Three Months: Printer Friendly Version
Wow, I cannot believe this baby was inside me (is everyone sick of me saying that yet??) And yet, I am truly astounded that this little critter with chicken legs and a long head was what was making me uncomfortable—no wonder I was miserable these last months, there was a fully formed human being inside me, trying to get out!
When John put him in my arms, the first thing I noticed was his nostrils flaring just like John’s! And his ears looked like cauliflower ears of a boxer, from being squished inside me. His face is very pretty once it all settled down! The first thing he did is grab my finger, and his fingers are very long! His toes are very long too, and try to grab also!
And I freak out when I think about how this baby got out of me…I am so lucky that I did not tear or rip (I got one little stitch) and I feel great! The pressure is completely gone, although I am very afraid of the war zone that is down there…I refuse to look at or barely touch anything in my nether region! Nurse Mary was so wonderful, helping me walk to the bathroom, and giving me ice packs and all the other war zone paraphernalia to make me feel better. I bled a lot, and had some more contractions—800 mg of Tylenol helped ease the pain. But otherwise my adrenalin is making me want to throw a party!
They put the baby to nurse right away—it is pretty amazing that baby tries to right away. The milk is not in yet, but one drop of colostrum is equal to 9 drops of milk. It is super nutritious, so we keep trying. Baby Joey is adorable, esp. in his Dodger outfit and Lakers gear…John fixed him up right away for the announcement photos which he sent out without any pertinent details…like his name! He does have milia on his nose and his hands and feet are very dry –I put Eucerin lotion on them! Poor baby’s hands and feet are cold because all they dress him in is a diaper and the long sleeved t-shirt that say “Born at 6557 feet”
I had visitors right away—Karen Johnson helped me to nurse, Cathy Huffman brought diapers, Laurie, Shawna and Joan came, Mo & Brad brought more diapers, Heidi Timberlake brought flowers and had champagne with us (my Mom arrived by 6 pm and was very excited of course), and Madonna and Dr. Doyle came with presents and to check Baby—he’s perfect!
John bathed Joey—he turned over! And he didn't’t even cry for very long with all the tests and the vitamin K shot. The clear plastic bassinet on wheels is called an isolette, and John pushes him in and out of the room in it. It’s very handy! John learned how to swaddle him so that he feels secure.
Baby’s eyes are still very slitty—we cannot tell what color they are. He yawns, and we all fawn. He sneezes and hiccups (just like when he was inside me and kept me awake all those nights) Newborns have a lot of junk to get out of their lungs, that’s why they sneeze and cough. Of course every nurse had differing information on babies: his stomach is the size of a pea, no, a walnut. You don’t have to use alcohol on the umbilical cord, yes, you do! Put a ton of Vaseline on his circumcision, no, you don’t have to use the whole tube…Dr. Goldenberg, aka Dr. Moyle, performed the operation in a matter of seconds the next day—John went along, but did not watch. Baby Joey barely cried.
John slept on the foldout chair/bed the first night, but I insisted he sleep at home the next night to get a good night’s sleep. I did not have any visitors the second day except for John and Mom, which was fine because I was coming down off my adrenaline high, and was pretty tired. They feed you three big meals here, and the food is pretty good. The night nurses Linda and Roma took care of me—they took Joey to the nursery and gave him formula so I could sleep. I had a sleeping pill that really didn't work—I awoke to hear Joey crying, and then another pregnant lady came in in labor, then had to be prepped for a C Section at 5 am—so much for a good night’s sleep.
Wednesday was check-out day, and also Dr. Doyle performed the ultrasound on Joey’s kidneys to see if they are still enlarged—they are fine! He visited Joey every morning to check his vitals and his circumcision—we feel we are in very good hands with Dr. Doyle and Nurse Madonna. John and Mom came to get me—I had showered and felt pretty energetic. My belly is still swollen, but I feel lighter already. We buckled up Baby in his carrier (turns out we did it wrong) but made it home safely after stocking up on all necessary baby meds at Long’s.
Emily Dawes was out riding her bike so she got to be the first to hold Baby and welcome him to our home. The dogs were mostly excited to see me, and I made them feel special and greeted them before Baby came inside. Nighttime was some thing else—Joey cried so loudly that Homer ran upstairs very stressed out. I shushed Baby and swayed him back and forth in his room until he finally fell asleep. I don’t think I slept at all that night, but the adrenaline was still allowing me to get up and go every morning, esp. because Betty and Cynthia and family came up for Labor Day Weekend, and it was a non- stop party until the following week. Then I crashed.
And on the seventh day, God said “You’ve got milk!!”
It took a week before my milk came in—I had to give Joey formula, which he liked, but causes stinky farts and poops, and constipation too. I continued to try to nurse, but his sucking was so painful, it was like a needle with electric current shooting into my breast bone. My nipples were cracked and super tender—it hurt even to put the lanolin ointment on them (which is a great hand cream for my dry skin!) Val Finnigan, the lactation specialist, visited on the third day, and said nursing shouldn’t hurt…I asked her if she has children—no, she doesn’t so how can she say that??!! Every single mom I know has told me of the intense pain, and the engorgement, etc. Many want to give up, it sucks so bad (pun intended!) So finally on Sunday night, my right boob only got engorged and was leaking milk—the left one never did act up. Thank God the baby can eat now (altho’ I still gave him formula for another couple weeks at night to make him sleep 4 hours instead of 1-2; then I went back to breast milk only)
Constipation Cocktail
I did not go to the bathroom for 12 days (the stress over that situation probably delayed my milk letdown!!) I took everything from Milk of Magnesia and Colace in the hospital, to prune juice and coffee, to Senokot and Colace all day long per Staci, two enemas and numerous suppositories, to finally the saving grace: Fleet Phospha Soda. It’s what you take before surgery or a colonoscopy. Most people are racked with pain on the toilet for 5 hours all night long…not me, it worked in 15 minutes and I felt such relief…plus I lost 10 lbs!!
Lifosuction
Actually, I lost 25 lbs. in the first 2 weeks, probably because I forgot to eat, and this kid is sucking the life out of me. The whole day can go by, and not one thing gets done around the house except nourish the Baby—I haven’t showered, returned phone calls, done the laundry—it’s all just feed the baby, change the baby, change his outfit, try to do stuff while he naps (and he does sleep most of the time in the first few weeks) then do it all again in a few hours. (see A Day in the Life below)
A Mini-Menopause
Wow, my heart goes out to the gals who suffer from night sweats for years—the first few weeks after having the baby, I would wake up completely soaked: my chest, back, neck and face would need to be swabbed down. I would change my shirt two and three times a night—it’s those pesky hormones again that are wrecking havoc on my normally mundane body. It’s amazing how hormones control so many bodily functions—you just take them for granted until pregnancy and après-baby. So much for sleeping in the nude after having a baby—those days are over for now. I need to be dressed and ready for the inevitable diaper change or other baby stressor.
Senor Toots ‘n Poops --or Boobs and Burps and BM’s
This kid is a machine—in with the new, and out with the old at practically the same time. You should see Oprah & Homer’s expressions when Joey farts or has an explosive movement: Oprah looks at her own butt, then looks quizzically at Joey…Homer just looks stressed and runs out of the room. I think Joey will always love big ugly white bras because he knows what’s coming next! Joey sometimes snorts like a little pig when he goes for the boob—he gulps and I can feel an air bubble go all the way down his back—you know that it will have to exit out the back side as I will never get it to come back up! I like to burp him by sitting him up to crease his stomach, and patting his back. John likes to put him over his shoulder and can always coax a burp out even way later.
His poops are like natural disasters—you know they are coming, and all you can do is wait them out, and prepare for FEMA disaster clean-up. I try to help him by propping him up, massaging his back, and giving him encouragement. His latest problem is the first movement of the morning—he grunts and groans, wriggles and writhes—the terrible diaper dance starts at 5 or 6 am—we try to fall back asleep, but then awake to more of his stressful situation. Dr. Doyle says that new babies do not really understand their bodily functions, so he’s pushing and at the same time holding his bung hole shut! When he finally goes, he smiles a big smile and looks so relieved.
“Prince of Constipation” lyrics by Mommy Michelle
Prince of Constipation
That’s you!
Prince of Constipation
It’s true!
Relax and let it go, let it flow
You can do it!
Be like Daddy, King of the Crapper
Not like Mommy, Queen of the Colace
Wirbel Abuse
Grandma Ursula calls the swirly hair pattern a wirbel (pron. “verbal”) and now the poor baby is losing his hair from the front backwards. I wanted to do a Trump style comb over for Vegas, but there is not enough to comb over! He has a five head, no make that a six head, and his head is still very oblong…I hope he doesn’t have to wear one of those pathetic helmets!
Toe Jam, Neck Cheese and other Baby Delicacies
At Joey’s one month check-up, he had gained 3 lbs. and grown 2 inches. He has some chub on his inner thighs, and is getting a double chin. Now I have to check for neck cheese, toe jam and make sure to clean “imbaween” all his cracks and crevices—he is definitely a substantial baby, and my arms kill to hold him and try to do things with one hand. I have stopped carrying him up and down the stairs in the cradle because it is just too heavy.
Swing Things, Bouncers and Carrying Contraptions
Where to set the baby down…we have so many choices! He really does not like the cradle swing thing (he’s done laying down) and the bouncers are okay as long as he is fed and content. The Baby Bjorn pisses me off every time I try to take it off, but he falls asleep in it, and then I can get some housework done. He is so heavy in it, I do not know how it will be when he weighs 15 and 20 lbs!! I go to Dr. Nichole the pretty chiropractor as often as I can!
A Day in the Life of Joe and Joe’s Mama
Thursday, October 27, 2005
10:20 pm Last nursing for the eve
11:00 pm Oprah whines to go outside, Michelle lets dogs out—they are gone 10 minutes
11:30 pm Mommy gets to sleep with Joey in her arms
Friday
1:30 am Nurse Joey right side
4:00 am Nurse Joey left side
5:00 am Dogs want out again—it’s 37 degrees out and Oprah won’t come in til I yell “Pupperoni”
5:30 am The Diaper Dance begins
6:00 am Mom holds Baby until they both fall back asleep
8:30 am The AM Shuffle begins again—Joey poops finally within 15 minutes
9:00 am Nurse Joey with Regis & Kelly (Geraldo sits in for Reeg)
9:15 am Nurse Joey again—he passes out for 20 minutes
9:45 am Another diaper explosion—thank goodness for the big boy diapers (Pampers Swaddlers)!!
10:00 am Joey falls asleep with a milk moustache after nursing
10:30 am He’s awake again and wants to have attention
11:00 am Feed him for the fourth time—now he’s really out
12:00 pm Awake again—diaper pee pee only
1:00 pm Daddy takes Joey so Mommy can do a load, pick up dog crap and take shower
1:30 pm Daddy tries to give bottle while watching Road to Morocco (he’s taken the rest of the day off)—he won’t have it—Mommy hears Joey and comes to the rescue
2:00 pm Nurse Joey—afterwards Joey watches Mommy get ready (first shower in 2 days) while sitting in his Boppy
3:00 pm Nurse Joey –he passes out just when Daddy wants to take him on his first stroller walk (may be best as his outfit is pretty laughable: Dodger socks for mittens, knit cap that is too big, and funny bunny slippers over his blue lion romper)
3:30 pm Mom gets out of the house to grocery shop and check out Lakeland Village for a wedding group; goes to Safeway
7:00 pm Mom home—Joey has slept most of the time, and finished his bottle. Dad bbq’s rib eye steaks—Joey sleeps in swing the whole dinner
8:00 pm Mom pumps: 4 ounces from right, 5 ounces from left (you can get a lot of milk if the Baby would only stop sucking on you!)
9:00 pm Joey wakes up long enough to smile a little and nurse some more—Dad and Joey pass out
11:00 pm Mom goes to sleep
Milestones
3 Days old: Folds fingers into a prayer clasp
Tries to hold pacifier and bottle—actually succeeds! Then he forgets how
4 Days old: First outing to buy Mommy a BDay/Push Present—a blue topaz ring!
5 Days old: first weekly manicure
10 Days old: focuses eyes briefly on my face
11 Days old: umbilical cord falls off
13 Days old: first bath (yeah, I know we waited too long, but I gave him cowboy baths every day)
2 weeks: We all catch a cold—Joey is better in one day
first SoroptiMr. Meeting at Nancy’s—they fight to hold him—meets a cat
first date with Parker—he sleeps thru it, she cries the whole time
3 weeks: first official photo shoot for CC’s Shower Invitation
a bit of a smile/Elvis sneer
baby acne, clears up in 3 weeks after Ursula sunbathes him
4 weeks: John goes to Toronto for 4 days, Joey up until 11:30 pm one nite
More trips to SF, Sac, Portland and No Summit John hikes Mt. Whitney
5 weeks: first car trip off the hill to Placerville for lunch with Donna Weaver
first trip to the North Shore for dinner at Hyatt Incline Village w/Amex ladies
one month check-up—weighs 10 lbs., 23 inches now
first wedding in SF with belly dancers (for Mommy & Daddy too!), smiles for pretty ladies for 3 hours
6 weeks: first smiles and starts to coo, esp. when changing diapers
starting to lose hair from the forehead back
eyelashes are longer and curled at the tips
7 weeks: first airplane flight to Vegas—he sleeps going and back
blows bubbles and little drool
chuckles in sleep
has first almost real giggle after nursing at Steve & Leslie’s dinner party
really follows John around the hotel room
8 weeks old: Joey only woke up once last nite at 1:30 am, and didn’t even wake up during bedside diaper change at 4:30 am—YAY!!! Too bad this is a one-time deal
2 months old: Baby has discovered his hands. He claws at his face when he is hungry or sleepy, so I have to cut his nails very short. He tries to eat his whole thumb, then all 5 fingers until he gags himself, but he doesn’t look directly at his hands or feet yet.
John swears Joey is talking to him: Joey looks intently at John, John says “Dad”, then Joey tries to speak back, with a single syllable response—and it does sound like he is really trying to communicate. Joey discovers the hanging teddy bear on his bouncy chair—he is batting at it, and gurgling a conversation! YAY! Our child is not too far behind all the other babies!
10 weeks old: first date with Baby Clementine at the Ivy—sleeps through it
poses for photos with Martha Stewart and Gene Simmons—still sleeping
11 weeks old: Joey bats at the dangling toys on his bouncer giggles and coos at the mobile of sports balls extends his arms and legs symmetrically—looks like he’s kick boxing follows you as you move around the room loves the red second hand of the kitchen clock—grabs it weighs nearly 13 lbs. and 25 inches long!
Loves to drink water out of the sucker top bottle
gnaws right thumb
stares at ceiling fans
smiles at himself in mirror
says ah-goo
12 weeks old: holds onto little stuffed bunny while I change him
finally discovers hands as he interlaces his ten fingers with my 5 fingers
has a hearty laugh and a subtle chuckle
Note: all the above is so text book for 11-12 weeks—but we are thrilled!
Wedding Reception In San Francisco
We drove in two cars to Steve & Miste’s wedding reception in the city. Had to pull over just once in Sacramento to feed Joey (in the parking lot of a gas station while John ate a burrito and Gatorade—gotta nourish the Gomez men!) We had left Tahoe bundled up and then it was baking in Sacratomato—poor Joey broke out in little red heat rash bumps from cooking in his carrier. The party was at their favorite nightclub, the Velvet Lounge, located on Broadway, which was crazy busy with all the sailors in town for Fleet Week, going to the strip clubs. Plus the Blue Angels were flying overhead. They had two fantastic belly dancers—turns out we knew one, Heather, who has been to our Ski Weekend. Joey let all the ladies hold him—for 3 hours! I nursed him twice in a dark corner both, covered up in my lavender pashmina (so 1999!) and we did okay changing him in the dark too. Stayed the night at cousin Ernie’s, then Joey got to meet most of the Guerrero Gang the next day, plus visit Uncle Ernie & Elaine. Drove to Sac Airport to pick up Grandma Ursula—she rode in the back in case Joey needed the bottle.
Las Vegas Meet & Greet
Joey loves American Express and the room service of Mandalay Bay! We flew to Vegas for the Amex National Meeting so everyone could meet the baby. Visited Cousin Janine and family for her birthday—unfortunately Joey was sick and crying most of the time—probably due to the plane’s altitude and the formula I gave him. Now I know what projectile vomit is, and why you always need a spare outfit for baby and for yourself! Mommy and Joey basically slept for 3 days in the hotel suite, taking 3 hour power naps and ordering in wonderful food. It was cold and rainy any ways, so we didn’t care. We cleaned up our act for the evening so we could see everyone—Joey slept thru it all of course. Got more adorable presents. Joey didn’t cry on the flight home either, and was rewarded with his first “wings” from Southwest and a certificate for his first flight. He was wearing his orange striped pumpkin outfit, and got the “Best Dressed” award on the flight—they gave us a bottle of champagne!
The Apres Baby Shower at Christina’s in the I.E.
Fun was had by all at CC’s most beautiful new home in Moreno Valley. It was great to see old friends like Donna Logan and the other Clark Sisters, and John Gomez’ surprise appearance was very nice for Goddaughter Crystal and the Barcena Babes. The real surprise guest, however, was the infamous Eric Von Knipe in his Lamborghini—I nearly lost it. Thank you, CC & George, for a fabulous fete!
Joey & Clem lunch at The Ivy—the stalkerazzi is all over them!
Our timing couldn’t have been better for the scene that unfolded on the sidewalk in front of The Ivy…Staci Amend and Baby Clementine Rose were waiting for us to arrive; once Joey and his car seat joined Clem in front of the famous white picket fence, we were made to wait while the maitre d’ tried to figure out where to put the party with two babies. We stopped lots of traffic as everyone wanted to know if the babies were twins…no, we said, they are on their first date (Clem is the older woman by one month). Then Martha Stewart and her bald consigliore exited the restaurant, and of course had to wait for their driver, stuck in mid-afternoon traffic on Robertson—a perfect opportunity for the stalkerazzi to swing down from the trees and exit from the manholes. Martha put on quite the show, oohing and ahhing over the babes (her pr people must be advising her to be nicety-nice) I finally decided to ask for a photo (so tacky but it was for the babies, after all) She posed for us, and even gave 2 little girls her autograph. She looked very good—taller than me even in my heels, and very slender. She could not wait to make a beeline into her waiting car to escape us all. Then who should we spot standing by the tree in front of us, but Gene Simmons from KISS. He politely posed for a photo also, and said to me, “You don’t look like a mother”; I responded with my overused Lifosuction joke, and he laughed very hard. Another joke: What do Martha Steward and Gene Simmons have in common? They have both slept with more than 50 women in the last year…
Oh yeah, Joey slept through it all.
Co-Sleeper=No Sleeper aka It’s a threesome!
So we tried using the co-sleeper at night but it didn’t really work for us…Joey would squirm and move about, his restlessness and the Startle Reflex kept me awake. He was so tiny in the beginning, that I would put him in the top corner of our bed, lying diagonal so the covers wouldn’t come near his face. All night long I move him from one side of me to the other, so we can nurse laying down (I figured out that style after the first month or so) I am usually so tired from waking up every hour and a half, that I fall asleep while he’s nursing, and so does he! So there’s no chance to burp all night long, which adds up to the big discomfort in the early morning—I haven’t figured out a solution to this yet, because it is impossible to burp a passed out babe!
Joey’s sleep positions are “X marks the spot” and “Soccer goalpost”, with his legs curled up Indian-style –this kid likes to spread out! And he holds his thumb between his forefinger and middle finger, just like me when I sleep! Mostly his hands and fingers are totally relaxed, and often positioned in a very cute pose, like he’s giving me the bird, or being The Thinker.
Every time you pick him up, he likes to stretch into an arching back bend—we hold his head so he can stretch his neck way out—he is so trusting that we will support his head, that he tends to stay all curled into an upside-down U, until we help him straighten out.
The sucking thing that newborns do with their mouths while they sleep is just too funny—and when he stops and his tongue is left sticking out, I try to resist sticking it back in his mouth!
Mrs. Kravitz and her chair or Stuck between a Boppy and a Soft Place
For the first weeks, I tried to get the nursing thing going, and only used the chair in our bedroom. I felt like the world was passing me by, as I sat there for hours a day, munching on raw almonds, banana chips and water. I look out the window and see the neighborhood drive by, or walk their dogs, and I want to yell out, Hey! I am trapped up here with a critter on my boob, and no one can hear me! John calls me Mrs. Kravitz after the nosy neighbor on Bewitched, since I peer out the window all day long—but what else do you expect me to do!
The Boppy is a good device when the baby is still tiny—it can free your hands to read a book (“What to Expect in the First Year” or “Your Baby Week By Week”) Then baby falls asleep on the Boppy, and you are stuck there for another hour. I always have to have my Little Giraffe Chenille Burp cloth to cradle his head with, otherwise my hand gets sweaty holding his head for 20 minutes. Or I use the breast pad of the boob I am servicing him with, and he looks like a little old Jewish man! The pink plastic disposable ones make him look like very fey little old Jewish man!
Here’s a trick to keeping baby awake and sucking—touch his cheek, ear or nose, or better yet, use this time to clean his orifices with a Q-Tip! That’ll wake the little bugger!
Is a Lip Callous the same thing as a Nursing Blister? …and other weird baby stuff
Blowholes & Cerebral Pulse: Once Joey lost some hair, we discovered the strangest pulsing spot on the top of head, turns out it is the fontanel or soft spot, with the cerebral pulse, and pulse it does. John’s colleague Mike Davis calls it a blowhole…in any case, we steer clear of it, except when I wash his hair.
Sticky Feet: Why are his feet sweaty when they are bare?
Cradle Cap: He may have had a little of this between his eyebrows—a little Motherlove Nipple Cream made of olive oil cured it up (thanks, Staci & Amy!)
Baby Acne: Thank goodness it only lasted 3 weeks, and wasn’t too bad.
Nasal Aspirators: I must help him keep his nose clean, otherwise the whistling of a dried booger will wake us all up. He tolerates the big green bulb being shoved up his nose, because I think he knows it will bring him relief.
Lip Callous: I kept putting Aquaphor Healing Ointment on his lips because I thought they were chapped like mine in this dry atmosphere…turns out the top lip thingie has a name, and it comes from sucking a boob or a bottle too. It will go away once he stops nursing.
Le Petit Prince n’est pas confu
From the beginning, Joey has taken to every sucking device: the boob, the bottle, the pacifier, my finger—it may take him a little time to remember the bottle nipple (frustrating Papa John) but he eventually gets it. Same goes for the pacifier—he will spit it out 20 times, then finally get a good latch on, but he really does not love it.
Thankfully he seems to know nighttime is sleeptime. He will still wake up every 2-3 hours to nurse at night (hence having him sleep in bed next to me) but he goes right back to sleep. I stopped changing his diaper all night long, because that would only arouse him and make him fuss…so I wait until 4 or 5 am to change him right there in our bed after he has finished eating, to prepare for the big movement that will come in a few hours.
Das Kind braucht Sonnenschein!
Ursula’s cure for baby acne was putting him in the backyard in filtered sunlight. She took off his diaper, and let sun get all over his body. He really seemed to enjoy it. And then his cheeks were a pretty pink. He has very fair skin—it is so soft.
Children should be seen and not heard aka There will be no crying in this house!
Earplugs for Daddy are the solution…even thought the baby has really only cried 3 times in 3 months where it got to us—we do feel pretty fortunate that we have such a mellow baby…except for the Witching Hour, between 5 and 8 pm, when he is fighting to stay awake, and just wants to be held and walked around the house (see “Ole Grampa” below)
Bobble Head vs. Turtle Neck
It’s impossible to get into those neck folds—not a double or triple chin, but quadruple! He is adding to them by the week, and they can hide many things, like bread crumbs from me eating a sandwich above him while he’s in the Baby Bjorn, and dog hair of course! His neck is getting stronger by the day, and Tummy Time helps strengthen his neck muscles—the bobbling is subsiding. We have been doing TT since he was born.
Where did the Big Blue Eyes come from? And the blonde eyelashes and brows?
There have been a lot of different UPS drivers this year…but seriously, John has hazel eyes, and my eyes are dark brown—I cannot remember the gene thing from sophomore year biology class—maybe there is a recessive gene that will let him keep the blue eyes. We’ll know more by 6 months, they say...
Kajagoogoo and other Baby Speak
Joey is making more and more sounds, and likes when I imitate him. His favorite expression is “Ah-Goo”, which is the first sign of language, as he is putting together a vowel sound and a consonant (according to my baby guides, he is right on track). When he says Dada or Mama, I know we will flip out! Chances are he will bark, since I did as a baby, surrounded by the dogs all the time!
The Baby Blues, Yellows and Mint Greens
Joey has more possessions than I can count—it is really crazy! The nursery was out of control until my sister-in-law Cynthia helped me organize it all. What with the hand-me-downs and over 100 presents from the Showers, I was overwhelmed. Now it is a very happy room: the crib set, handmade with love by Cathy Huffman, entertains Joey as he admires all the whimsical colorful safari animals. The “Keep Your Eye On the Ball” mobile from Nana Boop is his favorite new thing, and so is the “Safari Animal” mobile from Heidi—it hangs over his changing table, and he likes to kick it. And he is building quite the library, thanks to my registry at Neighbors Bookstore. I read him the soft colorful baby books, but he also enjoyed when I read to him from John’s new Razr cell phone instruction manual.
Einstein, Schmeinstein or These people are laughing all the way to the bank!
So far Joey’s #1 plaything is his Baby Einstein Activity Gym (thank you, Aldriches and Williams!) He lies under it and spastically bats at all the dangling junk; then when we organized the nursery from hell, we found the plush star that flickers lights like a UFO and plays music after its motion sensor has been activated—now the Babe has died and gone to Heaven! But he can only handle so much stimulation (15 minutes) before he gives himself the hiccups (chamomile tea helps settle those down) I expect Joey to love the Baby Einstein DVD Collection (thanks Christina and Georgia) but I think his TV addiction can wait a while longer (not every person in this house should become a TiVo addict!)
Flat or Fizzy?
Joey loves water! He prefers it dribbled into his mouth directly from the sucker top of a water bottle (Mommy takes a sip, then Baby takes a sip!) or drizzled down my finger that he is already sucking on…this method helps prevent getting any more moisture in his neck nightmare! He also loves it when you squirt it into his chipmunk cheek with the eye dropper (Grandma Ursula devised this trick) “Water, refreshing and delicious! It’s good old-fashioned water!”
The 3 Faces of Jose: Groucho Marx, C. Montgomery Burns, Ole Grampa
When Joey is being silly, and cooing, he sometimes raises his eyebrows up and down like Groucho Marx—all he needs is a cigar and stick-on moustache! He has started doing this while he is nursing, trying to catch my eye and then if he gets it, the boob drops out of his mouth, and we have to restart the latch-on procedure. I have to look away and act like I don’t see him.
The morning BM’s can be brutal, with Joey yelping out in pain until I give him to Daddy to distract him from his struggles, but more often, the BM is signaled by Joey gnashing his hands together, round and round like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons (okay, I admit that I lifted this description from my other favorite Baby Blog, “Tending Violet” from BabyCenter.com, but it is exactly what it looks) He also makes his mouth into the Cheerio hole, and his eyes glaze over. Then we just wait for the inevitable explosion.
The Witching Hour is signaled by Joey’s “Alte Grossvater” stance: his eyes go dark and heavy, he drools, and he wants to stand up “ Er ist am strampfeln” (he’s stomping up and down with nowhere to go) This is John’s least favorite baby time, so thank goodness that Grandma Ursula came up with the solution of pushing him around the house in the stroller…he knocks off quickly and is out for hours.
The Misadventures of 2 Dawgs and a Babe
Both Homer and Oprah love to lick the baby, so I have to monitor their proximity at all times. Oprah Demanding Doggy (O.D.D.) likes to rest her head forcefully in my lap when I am holding the baby—she is just making sure we all know she is there and ready for attention at all times, but it gets annoying when both dogs vie for my attention, and it’s always when Joey’s got a boob in his mouth! That’s when they bark to go out, or bark to come in, or bark to chase the critter or the lighted reindeer in our yard. And if only they could bring me the phone. Or the remote control or my water bottle…because those things are always just out of reach once I get stuck with the Latch-On Kid!
Beanies & Beaners
They say a baby loses 80% of his body heat from his head (since he’s bald) so I try to keep a hat on him now that it’s 13 degrees outside. He hates it when the hat slides down over his eyes, and most of his hats do not fit properly. The one that we took home from the hospital makes him look like a Mexican gang-banger. Another one makes him look like the Archbishop of the Dodgers; although his oblong head does fill it in, it looks ridiculous! The best one is the Winnie the Pooh one from Disneyland, the first present he received before he was even born (thank you, Shari Young!)
Joe Commando
I feel so sorry for babies, having to wear tight diapers all the time, so I make time every day to let it all hang out. We make sure he is on empty, and a good time is right before his bath. I crank up the space heater and lay him down on a thick towel for some Tummy Time and Rollover Practice. He loves it, and inevitably pees, but we are prepared for that. And I found this is the best time to sit him up and show him his feet…there’s no way he can get to know them when they are hidden in a footed sleeper all the time! His little fat fingers grab at his curled toes, and he is fascinated by all the squiggly movement. This is also the time when I discover how much toe jam he has made!
The top Baby Wranglers
Aunt Cynthia with the Baby Bjorn
Grandma Ursula with the Stroller
Nana Boop with her rocking
Jerry Clark “Do you want to go play in the dirt and build a fence?”
Mommy Brain
Maybe one day when I get to sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted (Ambien, take me away!) I will go back to my regular, organized Virgo self. Until then, my life is made up of unfinished lists in my mind, and yes, you all will get your Thank You notes as soon as I am done with this Diary (just three more paragraphs, I promise!)
My, your Engorgement is Engorgeous!
I guess it was not healthy to go 15 hours without nursing or pumping…the trip to Las Vegas proved it may be wise to have a manual breast pump to relieve the Mommy if the Baby is too sick to nurse. I do know from the Oprah Bra Show that they make cup size G bras, and I probably could have overflowed one! I want my old boobs back now!
Exotic and Unusual Places Baby has Nursed:
The dressing room at Alpine Clothing & Leather, South Lake Tahoe
The coat check room at Lone Eagle Grill, Hyatt at Incline Village, Lake Tahoe
The back seat of the Ford Escape pulled over on the East Shore in the dark
The back seat of the Jeep Liberty in a Sacramento gas station
The darkest booth at the Velvet Lounge at Cliadakis’ wedding reception, San Francisco
The patio overlooking the golf course at Ernie & Elaine’s home in Brentwood
The hotel suite at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas
The back dining room at The Ivy, Beverly Hills (after Martha Stewart left)
The toilet stall at Dan Tana’s, West Hollywood
The parking lot behind Starbucks next to the Kabbalah Center on Robertson, Los Angeles
The Bestwestern Frontier Motel in Lone Pine, CA
Many dark desolate service roads off of Highway 395
The parking lot of Schat’s Bakkery in Bishop, CA
The End of the Fourth Trimester
I weigh less than I did on my wedding day (134 lbs.) but Oprah and Tyra would call me Skinny Fat…Jennifer showed me how to do sit-up and crunches up against the wall, but I prefer to do anything but. I have finally got the hang of nursing, and so has Joey (hence the 500+ calories per day that I am burning) although we still do not dare try to perform in front of a live audience (except for O.D.D. and Home Bucket) I still dread the nights, when I know I will be awakened every 2-3 hours, but I look forward to the rice cereal time—only one month to go.
And yes, friends, I will try to let the laundry and the cleaning wait, so that I can enjoy these precious few months of a baby sleeping in my arms for 2 hours, or playing at my feet as I write this—I get it, and I appreciate all you have advised me, as I realize how fleeting this time is…
They say a baby should really remain inside the womb for another 3 months, because they are not ready to be born at 9 months; a woman’s body could not handle their head size however, so they must be ejected early. I will admit that I am glad this little punkin has been on the outside of me for the last three months, because he is most definitely the best thing that I have ever received in my life. Thank you, Husband, and the Greater Power, for helping me make a very special little person.
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