Since I got a lot of grief about my initial plans to conceive twin sons, my first blog topic is to share my scientific process of creating a boy. Later I will share my first blunders of fatherhood by sharing the story of "How I let me wife almost give birth at home".
Yes, the male does determine the sex of the child and my son is proof that a father retains the final decision as to having a son or a daughter. Here are the facts:
So this is probably way more detail than what you wanted to know, but if you want a son, you have to be edumacated and always be prepared!
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How I Almost Let My Wife Give Birth at Home
On August 29th, at about 6:30am, Michelle gave me the wake up call I had been anticipating for 9 months, "Honey, I am think I am going into labor". At that exact second, pandemonium broke loose! I nearly bumped my head on the ceiling as I flew into action, but I soon realized that there was no action to fly into. The bags had been packed for over a month, the cameras were ready, the camcorder had fresh tape and all batteries were charged, both flasks of celebratory Jack Daniels were filled, and the group email list to let friends and family know we were headed into labor was ready to be sent. After calling the hospital, a nurse told us to time the labor pains and just wait. Wait? How does a first time father just "wait" while his wife is screaming in pain every 2-3 minutes?
Instead I ran in and out of the bedroom cursing at myself for not knowing how to use the second hand on a watch and trying to do something other than "wait". For those that know me, "wait" is not a word often used when describing John Gomez. I have no patience, at all, so "wait" was an incomprehensible behavior.
Realizing I was way over my head in this situation, I did what any 46 year old grown man would do... I called my mom. With tears running down my face, I told her Michelle was in labor and asked what should I do? Her first instruction was for me to calm down. Calm down? If I do not possess the capability to exercise patience by "waiting", I certainly was not going to be able to calm down. My wife was in pain, my child was about to come out of there, and I am supposed to "wait" and "calm down". No one told me labor was going to be this difficult! She then instructed me to hold Michelle's hand and help her calm down. As I thought about how I was going to calm Michelle down, the idiom "the pot calling the kettle black" rang in my head, especially when my mom said, "You are not calming down! I can hear it in your voice. Calm down!". Things got even worse when Michelle, who must have overheard me, yelled, "You are not calming down and you are stressing me out". I realized I was a complete failure in life and my mother and my wife were not helping the situation. So what is the next thing to do when a husband is not getting any support from my wife or my mother, aside from going to Jack Daniels for his support, I decided to instead call my sister. At this point though, I could barely hear what she was saying as the blood rushed faster though my body as Michelle kept screaming it was getting worse. Something about her telling me to calm down came out of the phone and I quickly realized I was not going to get any realistic instructions on how to help my wife. If you can recall the episodes of Ricky Ricardo or Dick Van Dyke trying to help Lucy or Laura, it will give you a mild perception of the situation at hand. Picture Fred Flintstone helping Wilma get to the hospital.
After about an hour, I called the hospital again to brief them on the labor intervals and the nurse said since it was Michelle's first baby, labor would likely last 8 to 12 hours. I knew at that point I would never make it alone. I was unable fulfill my duties as a husband and asked Michelle if she wanted to go the the hospital. She wanted to wait a little bit longer, which in reality, was until the next labor pain came and we took off for the hospital.
Torn between safety and speed, we made it to the hospital in under 4 minutes and the nurses quickly took over. I cannot explain the relief that came over me as I saw my wife now in the hands of competent people. Unfortunately, the relief didn't last very long as the nurses suddenly exclaimed she was fully dilated and I realized I almost let my wife give birth at home. How could I have failed so miserably! Worse yet, they told us it was too late to give her an epidural. My God, what have I done? There was no way I could face myself again if I was the cause for my wife to go through labor without drugs. Fortunately, I am very good about not taking "no" for an answer and I requested a meeting with the anaesthesiologist. We quickly agreed she could be given a saddle block and as it kicked in and Michelle lost feeling down there, the second wave of relief came across me. I may not be able to "wait" or "calm down", but I never lose the ability to "negotiate" a situation to my satisfaction. Whew!
Doctor Goldenberg arrived shortly and we were both very happy to see his face. He was the doctor we had hoped would be on call so slowly but surely we felt things were getting better. He asked how we were doing and I told him I was doing better. He then clarified he was asking how Michelle was doing and I told him Michelle was feeling better too. (How embarrassing!) After feeling around down there, Dr. Goldenberg told us we needed to proceed quickly which coincided with thoughts all along. But as life often throws a wrench in the situation, so did the doctor. Apparently the baby had pooped inside Michelle and we were now in a meconium situation where the baby could possibly inhale the poop which could be very serious. Dr. Goldenberg suggested we do not wait for Michelle to push the baby out and instead wanted to use forceps to pull the baby out.
I have heard too many tragedies resulting from babies being pulled out by forceps and asked him what are our options. He stated if we wait for Michelle to push the baby out we risked a high chance of meconium aspiration which could cause complications within the lung or suffocation. The other option was to use forceps and pull the baby out so they could quickly suck out any meconium before the baby has a chance to breathe it's first breath. I questioned the doctor's experience with forceps and he assured me it was the better option. We knew Doctor Goldenberg had an excellent reputation so we went with his advice.
The next few moments were literally just that; a few moments. But in those few moments, I experienced a lifetime of emotions. Parents always say there is nothing like watching your child come into the world and they could not be more correct. What I am about to write lasted probably less than a minute but that minute filled me with emotions of fear, disappointment, exhilaration, terror, and finally exhilaration again.
Fear- As the doctor brought out the forceps, I was so scared of what could happen with those forceps on such a delicate baby. Had we made the right decision. Was the Doctor minimizing the risk.
Disappointment-
As I look back, we both think it was rather funny, but at the time I must admit, I was far more disappointed than I thought I would be. As Dr. Goldenberg was reaching in, the nurse said, "Atta girl" which we thought she said, "It's a girl". Now you have to realize, I have spent the last 20 years preparing myself to make a boy baby. (Read my blog on How to Make a Son) Having my first born to be a son was very important to me. So when I heard what I thought the nurse had said, I must admit, my heart sank to the floor. I failed. But then Michelle screamed back, "It's a girl?" and the nurse exclaimed, "No, no, I said 'atta girl' not it's a girl!" And at that moment, Dr. Goldenberg stepped in and said...
Exhilaration-
And at that moment , Dr. Goldenberg stepped in and said..."It's a boy!" Those three words were and will always be the greatest words next to Michelle's "Yes" when I proposed. It was everything and all that I wanted to hear.
Terror-
As Dr. Goldenberg whisked my son away, I suddenly realized I did not hear a cry and terror kicked in. I begged to not let worst fear in the world come true. I hurried to the table where he was placed and ...
Exhilaration-
I hurried to the table where he was placed and ...I heard his cry. And was it a cry! He was crying so hard he started to warble. The nurse was so great in that she immediately informed me everything was perfect and not to worry. I then rushed back to Michelle and kept saying over and over "It's a boy! It's a boy! We had a boy and he is okay"
Those five feelings were more than I could handle. It was an emotional roller coaster ride and it was not time to have a meeting with Jack who had been very calm and was patiently waiting in my flask. He is a better man than I. The nurses were very understanding and offered me a cup of ice for Mr. Daniels and to be clear, it was actually Jack Daniels Silver Barrel Select, a notch above Gentlemen Jack. Nothing but the best to honor my son.
So that was my tale of How I Almost Let My Wife Give Birth at Home.
PS I am sure Michelle will tell her side of the story after she reads mine.
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